When India Adopted Dollar-Rupee Dual Currency System!

During the past couple of weeks, the value of the Indian Rupee vis-a-vis the American Dollar has hit the rock bottom, at $ 1 = Rs. 60+.

Which reminds me of a humorous article I had written in the Shankar's Weekly 40 years ago about the intriguing obsession we Indians were having with the U.S. $ in the 1960s and '70s (which, by the way, we are still having in the 2010s, for different reasons!).

Those were tough times when there were very severe restrictions in India on converting the native Rupees into foreign currencies on Indian soil (even in the context of people going abroad legitimately, whether for very short periods as guests or tourists, or for longer stays as students or professional visitors).  And there was a huge premium for the US $ in the black market.  Now read on!

..........  ..........  ..........  .......... ..........


Glossary/Annotations (in same order as in text)

Returning to India  --  This was pure imagination! Actually I went abroad for the first time only many years later.

Sa'ab  --  Conversational form of 'Saheb', a respectful Hindi expression, meaning 'Sir' in this context but having several other connotations also.

Dollars  --  So far as we Indians are concerned, 'Dollar' always means only American Dollar, unless specified otherwise.  It was so 50 years ago, and it's still true today!

1o c. / Re. 1  --  In 1972, the conversion rate was 7.5 Rupees to a Dollar.  So 10 American Cents were equal to 75 Indian Paise, or 0.75 Rupee. Bonus of 33 % made it Re. 1.

..........  ..........  ..........  .......... ..........


Shankar's Weekly
26 Nov. 1972
The Indian Dollars


I returned to India recently after an extended stay abroad, and I had no ideas of the latest developments here, as these weren't fully reported in the foreign Press.

As soon as I got into a taxi, I noticed two meters ticking away.  I asked the driver about it.

"Did you not know, Sa'ab?"  he said.  "We have two meters now.  One is in Dollars and the other is in Rupees."

"Is there any difference in the fare?"

"Yes, Sa'ab,"  the driver said.  "The fare is the same as before if you pay in Dollars,  It is one-third more if you pay in Rupees."

I still had some foreign exchange with me, so I paid him off in $.  And he accepted my dime tip with a big smile.

There were other surprises awaiting me in the city.

On the way to the office I dropped in at the coffee house for a cup of good old Indian coffee.  It tasted the same as ever.  The surprise came when the waiter brought the bill.

It said:  "10 c. or Re. 1, as the case may be."

I didn't care to ask the waiter for an explanation.  I just put 20 c. on the saucer and waved him off. and he  seemed delighted.

The real revelation of the day, however, came in the office.

As soon as I had settled down at my desk after meeting all my colleagues, my personal assistant came in and gave me the day's mail.

The first letter I saw was from a local supplier.  It contained quotations for a tender advertised some days earlier by the office.  I thought the rates looked the same as usual, till I saw the last paragraph of the letter.

"The above offer"  the para said, "is subject to payments being made in Dollars.  If you pay in Rupees, our rates will be increased by 33 %."

After some time my P.A. came in and gave me a blank form to fill up and sign. 

"What's this for?"  I asked.

"It's the income tax option form, Sir."

"What income tax option?  Have  they given us a choice not to pay our taxes?"

"Oh, no, Sir!  But they have allowed an option for paying income tax in Dollars or Rupees."

"I see.  And there is some difference in the rates, of course?"

"Yes, Sir.  The tax is the same as before if you pay in Dollars.  It is 33 % more if you pay in Rupees."

"But how can anybody get Dollars here for making tax payments?  It's just a new surcharge, of course!"

"Not really, Sir!"  the P.A. grinned, obviously amused by my total ignorance.  "We have this other thing, Sir  --  the pay option."

"What pay option?"

"Everybody is allowed to draw his salary either in Dollars or in Rupees.  Here, take a look at this other form, Sir.  You have to declare an option."

"I see.  Is there any difference in the salary if you opt one way or the other?"

"Yes, Sir.  You get the same pay as before if you take it in Dollars.  You get 33 % more if you opt for Rupees."

"That doesn't make any sense!  Everything here seems to cost 33 % more now if you pay in Rupees.  So what's  the difference whether you get your pay in Dollars or 33 % more in Rupees?"

"It does make a difference, Sir!  Probably you haven't found out yet, but there's already a 40 % premium on Dollars in the market."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you can get a bonus of 7 % if you take your pay in Dollars and convert them into Rupees, Sir.  And they say the premium is likely to go up again soon!"

---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ----------

PostScript, 2013

The foreign exchange scenario in India today is spectacularly different from what it was 30/40/50 years ago, and there's no shortage of any foreign currencies now.  But even so, we Indians haven't lost our fascination for the American Dollar, for various reasons.  I have some interesting stories to tell about the old times, and some important impressions to convey about recent trends.  So let me follow this up later on!

Buronautics : Worker Found Guilty Of An Act Of Work!

By the early 1970's, I had spent 15 years as a civil servant, and I had discovered that although in Government offices and public-sector organizations there was a tradition of lethargy and lack of initiative governing the voluminous flow of routine work, there was also enormous scope for introducing superior techniques of work and achieving excellence.  Usually the main obstacles faced by the exceptional and creative worker were the jealous attitude of the peers as well as the hostility and resistance of the bosses. 

Rather a dangerous topic for a buronaut to write about in a newspaper or magazine!  But the prestigious Shankar's Weekly, published in New Delhi and circulated all over India, was like a circus arena where I could perform a trapeze act now and then  --  with the blessings of my own exceptionally benevolent bosses, to be sure!

 ........ 

Glossary(in same order as in text

20-11-72  --  In India, dates are usually written as day-month-year.

Shri  --  In Hindi, Shri is 'Mr.', Shrimati is 'Mrs.', and Kumari is 'Miss'.  There's no separate concept of 'Ms.' in any  Indian language, and it's also translated as Shrimati.  By the way, what precisely is the English expression which is shortened as 'Ms.', and when did it creep intoi the English language?  I have no idea! --  though I think it's also pronounced Miss.

Varkey  --  A common name in Kerala State, on the  West coast of India.  Please see PostScript below.

UDC  --  Upper Division Clerk

PUC  -- Paper  Under Consideration

........


Shankar's Weekly19 August 1973
A black sheep

 

Memo from the Manager (Arrears)

 

No. AR-III/Wrk/499  --  20-11-72

It has been brought to the notice of the undersigned that Shri R.S. Varkey of Arrears-III Unit was engaged in the act of working on the afternoon of Friday, 17-11-72.

He is directed to show cause within three days of the receipt of this letter why disciplinary action should not be taken against him.  He should submit his explanation through the Assistant Manager and Deputy Manager in charge of the Unit.

SignedManager (Arrears)20-11-1972

 

...

 

 

Reply of Shri R.S. Varkey

To the Manager (Arrears)

Sir,

With reference to your memo No. AR-III/Wrk/499 dated 20-11-72, I have to submit that it was not my intention to indulge in any work on the afternoon of Friday, 17-11-72.  I had no fresh arrears to accumulate that day, so I merely sorted out some of the papers already in arrears.

This act was misconstrued by AM(A), and was erroneously reported to DM(A) and your good self as an act of work.

I may, however, be kindly excused if my action is not approved.  I shall refrain from handling any pending papers in future.

Yours faithfully

Signed, 22-11-72R. S. Varkey
UDC, A-III Unit

 

...

 

 

Notes in Arrears Group file

The PUC may kindly be seen. 

The facts of the case as stated by Shri Varkey are not true.  The correct position is as follows:

At about 4 p.m. on 17-11-72, when all the other persons in the Unit were busy piling up arrears, I actually received an attempted disposal from Shri Varkey, who had been observed to be engrossed in work from 2 p.m. onwards. . . .   He analysed in an elaborate note the full extent of the existing arrears in his seat, and atttached a tabular chart showing the pending cases source-wise and age-wise.  He also suggested methods and target dates for their disposal. . . . 

It will be seen from the above that Shri Varkey is not prepard to take a responsible attitude.  It is for M(A)'s kind consideration whether it is not desirable to get him transferred to some other group.

Signed,  23-11-72Assistant Manager
Arrears-III Unit

 

*

AM(A)'s note above may kindly be seen.  I fully endorse it. 

Of late Shri R.S. Varkey has been tending to be argumentative, and attempting to indulge in work.  He is having a bad influence on the other workers in the Unit.

It is requested that he may kindly be got transferred to some other group.

 

Signed, 25-11-72
Deputy Manager (Arrears)

*

I am inclined to agree.  I shall talk to Manager (Personnel) about his transfer.

Meanwhile, Shri Varkey may be informed in writing that his explanation is not accepted, and warned that he should be more careful in future.

Signed, 27-11-72Manager (Arrears)

When Al Capone Jr., Rocky Marijuano And Other Tough Guys Surrendered!

A few days ago there was a report in Indian newspapers that more than a couple of dozen aggressive persons belonging to certain extremely hostile and militant political elements had surrendered to the police in response to the latter's earnest appeals, and that they had promised to give up their violent approach and tactics. Which reminds me of a similar stunt pulled off 40 years ago by Jayaprakash Narayan, a venerable Indian freedom fighter against the British Empire, who negotiated a deal with certain legendary dacoits who infested the forests of Central India, and actually made them surrender to the police in response to his appeal for peace and harmony.

I don't remember what exactly happened afterwards, but I wrote a hilarious article about the intriguing episode in my column in Shankar's Weekly.  In that context, I couldn't resist inventing a place called East Dacoita --  and since that sounded so much like North Dakota or South Dakota in the USA, I had to create an authentic American scenario.  And what better way of doing it was there than imitating Peter Cheyney, whose sparkling crime fiction novels were so popular worldwide in the mid-20th century?  I hope senior citizens in America and elsewhere who were Peter Cheyney fans in the good old days will give me full marks for the exercise!

..............................................

Glossary (in same order as in text)

Maharashtra --  A major State on the West coast of India, whose capital is Bombay (now officially called Mumbai).

Navjeevan  --   'New life' in Hindi, prime language of multi-lingual India, where the twin official languages at the National level are Hindi and  --  yes, you're hearing me right! --  English.

Naxals  --  Extreme, far-left-oriented political elements in several Indian States, inclined towards violent tactics and terrorism.

Chattisgarh  --  An inland State adjoining Maharashtra.

Manmilan  --  In Hindi, man is 'mind' or 'heart', and milan is 'meeting'.

Rocky Marijuano  --  One of my earliest and best attempts at name-twisting, obviously derived from Rocky Marciano, the world heavy-weight boxing champion, who had knocked out the legendary Joe Louis.  By the way, Rocky's original name was Marcheggiano, which is pronounced Markejjano in Italian, while 'marijuano' is pronounced 'marihuano' in Spanish. 

.................................................

1

The Hindu13 June 2013
GADCHIROLI,
Maharashtra State
Campaign Navjeevan helps 28 Naxals to surrender


Twenty-eight extremists from different Naxal [sources] here and Chhattisgarh border areas have surrendered before Gadchiroli police due to its initiative called ‘Campaign Navjeevan’.....  [under which] senior police officers visited families of Naxals belonging to the State and appealed to them to surrender, assuring them of fair treatment.

Exposing them for the first time on Tuesday in a programme called Manomilan (meeting of hearts) at Gadchiroli police headquarters, Superintendent of Police (SP) Mohammad Suvez Haque said:  ". . . . . “The answer of bullet will be given with bullets.  But those who want to give up the path of violence and come to the mainstream, here is an alternative for them.” 

Family members of the surrendered Naxals were present on the occasion, along with family members of Naxals who have not yet surrendered. 

..................................................

2


Shankar's Weekly6 August 1972
The Surrender

(With apologies to Jayaprakash Narayan and Peter Cheyney)

THE Federal Officer in East Dacoita was surprised to see the slick man in the grey flannel suit who walked into his office.

"Well, I say!"  he exclaimed.  "I could have sworn you are Al Capone Junior!"

"I am Al Capone Junior,"  the visitor said, and sat down.

"Jesus!"  the Federal Officer swore.  "Man, you have some nerve to walk into a Federal office and pull a fast one!  Now tell me who the hell you are, and what's your nice little game?"

"Look, Officer!"  the visitor said.  "I am not tellin' you any story!  I am Al Capone Junior, and I've come to surrender myself."

"Like hell you have!  You're just some phony punk who has made yourself look like Junior.  Now, if you don't tell me what you're up to, I'm gonna blow the hell outa your brains!"

Before the officer could say anything more, a tough-looking six-footer walked in and laid a .22  Colt on the desk. 

"I am Joe Tomato of the Mafia,"  he said.  "I have come to surrender myself, Signore!"

The Officer stood up and looked at the two visitors in utter shock.  Just then, an assistant burst into the room, in an agitated condition. 

"Sir, something fantastic is happening!"  he almost shouted.  "Have you got some visitors today!  Rocky Marijuano and Tony Hashiski are waiting outside to see you!  They don't have any guns with them, and they say they want to surrender.  And there are fifty other tough guys who want to surrender too!"

The Federal Officer sat down, bleary-eyed.  "Jesus!"  he said.  "Do I have some story to tell my grandchildren, or don't I?  Take all these palookas away and put them in the cooler while I get instructions from the Boss!"

"Is that the Boss, Sir?"  he said, as soon as he got on to Headquarters on the long-distance line.  "Sam Davis from East Dacoita, Sir.  There's some funny business going on here, Sir!  Al Capone Junior has suddenly surrendered.  Also Joe Tomato, Rocky Marijuano, Tony Hashiski and fifty other guys want to surrender, Sir."    
 
"Good!  I'm glad they have all come!  I was wondering if they were really going to keep the promise they made to Dr. Kissinger in the secret meeting he had in Argentina last week.  You don't know anything about it, of course!"

"But how do I deal with all these lousy punks, Sir?  I don't have enough space for all of them here!  Can I just throw them out and tell them to go to hell, Sir?"

"Now wait a minute, Sam!  You are not going to do anything to these gentlemen!  And don't you go about calling them punks, either!  Just put them in a chartered plane and send them to New York pronto!  We will be organizing a public reception and parade in their honor tomorrow."

------------------------------------------------------

 

PostScript, 2013
 In the footsteps of the noble dacoits!

 I've just posted the following letter by Air Mail to my old friend and former Federal Officer Sam Davis in America:


From MVRSenior Citizen
589, Mahatma Gandhi Avenue
Old Madras, INDIA

To Mr. Samuel Davis
Senior Citizen
8190, ExFed Estates
East Dacoita, USA

My dear Sam,

Hope you are in good health and spirits.  How are the grandkids?  Have you got any great-grandkids yet?  Whenever you tell them your old story about those tough guys who surrendered to you once upon a time, hereafter you might also like to add this new story from India (please see the enclosed cutting from The Hindu).

By the way, Sam, have you noticed that the children and grandchildren of Al Capone, Jr., Rocky Marjuano, Tony Hashiski, and Joe Tomato are all back in their respective ancestors' business, and doing extremely well all over the world?  But of course, so far as you and I are concerned, there's no point in worrying about it now, is there?

With regards and best wishes

MVR
 

Expanding Business Of Exporting And Importing Brains

SHANKAR'S WEEKLY, which was the Indian equivalent of Punch, the classic fun-loving British magazine, was a gold mine of humor, and I was fortunate enough to be one of the productive miners in the early 1970s.  In the sophisticated pages of the prestigious magazine, I was able to stretch my liberty as an articulate layman to the absolute limit.

As a civil servant I was strictly forbidden to discuss in public any serious matter involving Government policies;  but all my bosses right up to the top were my enthusiastic readers, and I felt free to walk on a tight rope.

And so, I could even find a way to relax with a jocular jab at the phenomenon of 'brain drain', which was (and still remains) a highly sensitive issue.  In the following article, the long and lively chat about imported brains was only a camouflage --  the really explosive  issue was the massive export of superior Indian brainpower, which wasn't discussed at all!

 

.................................................

Glossary (in same order as in text)

 

Some of the terms below had been explained in an earlier context (Kicked Upstairs:  Field Marshal Manekshaw, Field Captain Batterji -  28 March 2013), but let me repeat them here for ready reference:

Under-Secretary --  A common designation in the British and Indian Government frameworks, though it's a top post in Britain and a junior rank in India.  

MPs  --   Members of Parliament.  Independent India has a written Constitution (1950),  which is largely based on (and is, in some ways, an improved model of) the unwritten British Constitution. At the National level, there's a lower House called Lok Sabha ('People's Assembly' in Hindi), which is the equivalent of the House of Commons, and an upper House called Rajya Sabha (National Assembly), corresponding to the House of Lords, though certainly not its equivalent! 

Japanese brains  --  This article was written long before Maruti Udyog Ltd., an Indo-Japanese joint venture, materialized in 1981, heralding a remarkable revolution in the automobile industry in India. 

BICI-BECI Bhavan --  'Bhavan' is a Hindi expression which broadly denotes 'institution'.  Various Departmental Headquarters in New Delhi are located in spacious buildings bearing native names like Krishi Bhavan (Agriculture, 'krishi' meaning crops),  Udyog Bhavan (Industry and Commerce),  etc.  For no reason known to me, there's also the hybrid Rail Bhavan, housing the Railway Headquarters, which made my imaginary File Bhavan sound very real!

Chief Minister  --  Corresponding to the Prime Minister at the Centre are the Chief Ministers in the various States in India's federal political structure.

.................................................


Shankar's Weekly19 December 1972
BICI-BECI Business


NOT many people were present in the retail showroom of the Brains Import Corporation of India in New Delhi when I dropped in there the other day.

The sales manager who greeted me was  extremely cordial, well-informed and communicative.

"Welcome to BICI, Sir!"  he beamed as soon as he spotted me.  "You want to buy a brain, Sir?"

"Well, I am just taking a look, if you don't mind,"  I said.  "What kind of brains do you have?"

"We specialize in imports of brains, Sir,"  he said.  "We have two categories  --  Category-A, purely foreign brains, and Category-B, Indian brains purchased abroad and reimported to India."

"I see!  Tell me something about Category-A, please.  Which countries do you get them from?"

"Mainly from Europe and America, Sir.  We have British brains for Under-Secretaries and MPs, American brains for businessmen and psychiatrists,  Russian brains for scientists and tractor-drivers,  Swiss brains for bankers and hotel managers.  If you want a complete list, I can show you our catalogue, Sir."

"Don't you import any brains from Asian countries?"

"No, Sir.  We used to get Japanese brains for electronic engineers and Hong Kong brains for men's tailors, but we stopped both because we found our customers are generally interested only in Western brains."

"What about Category-B Indian brains?  Where do you get them from?"

"Mainly from America, Sir, but quite often from U.K. and Germany.  Occasionally from Canada and other countries, too."

"What kind of people buy Category-B brains?"

"To tell you the truth, Sir, we are finding it extremely difficult to sell them.  But there's a compulsory quota of twenty per cent for the re-import of Indian brains, and unless we get them we can't import the other eighty per cent foreign brains."

"You must be accumulating heavy stocks of Category-B brains, then?"

"Quite right, Sir!  In fact, that's why we offer a big discount for them  --  fifty per cent for imports from America, and sixty per cent for imports from any other country."

"What about export of Indian brains to foreign countries?  Do you undertake any business of that kind?"

"No, Sir.  The sole exporters of Indian brains are BECI  --  I mean, the Brains Export Corporation of India."

"Why don't you get your supplies of Indian brains direct from BECI instead of importing them from abroad?"

"We can't do that, Sir.  BECI gets impressive quotations from foreign buyers, and BICI is not authorized to make local purchase of Indian brains at comparable rates."

"But surely you must be paying a good price for the Category-B Indian brains you import against the twenty per-cent quota which is binding on you?"

"You are perfectly right, Sir!  Besides, we are forced to sell them at a heavy discount, as I told you.  If you want any more information, you can ask our Head Office in BICI-BECI Bhavan, Sir."


..................................................


PostScript, 2013
And now, BECA-BICA Business!

There have been some significant developments in this context during the four decades which have passed since I wrote the above article.   On one hand, the Indian diaspora abroad has expanded exponentially, all over the world.  On the other hand, foreign business concerns have started exploiting Indian brainpower on local soil, through extensive outsourcing of services.   

Moreover, after making half a dozen trips to America, where one of my own children has settled down permanently, I am now able to look at the whole scenario from the viewpoint of the foreign countries also, and am also closely aware of the clash of conflicting interests out there.  Who knows, one of these days I may even be tempted to visit the BECA-BICA Towers in New York, which house the Brains Export Corporation of America and the Brains Import Corporation of America, and write a sequel to my Shankar's Weekly article!

When The Peter Principle Was Turned Upside Down!

In any organizational set-up where good work at any given level is rewarded with promotion to the next higher level, (1) every worker tends to climb up to the level of his or her incompetence;  (2)  every position is likely to be filled up by an incompetent worker sooner or later;  (3)  all good work is done by workers who haven't yet climbed up to the levels of their incompetence.

That's the sum and substance of the Peter Principle (expressed in my own words), which has dominated the whole world's management thinking throughout and beyond the second half of the 20th century, along with its conceptual twin Parkinson's Law, which asserts that all work expands to fill the time available.

Since all large organizations all over world tend to adopt the policy of promotion as the ultimate reward for good work, the Peter Principle is universally valid.  But I once came across an extremely rare occasion when the axiom was turned upside down by a distortion in the wage structure of a monolithic national organization, arising from extraordinary union pressure  --   and naturally, I pounced on the context for my column in the Punch of India!   


*


Shankar's Weekly 5 January 1975
Case Of Promotion


ACCORDING to a recent report in the Press, the increase in the emoluments of Class III employees of the Life Insurance Corporation of India has created some serious anomalies.   The report said that while a new Zonal Manager still gets Rs. (Rupees) 2,500 a month, a Superintendent, who is way down below in the hierarchy, would now get Rs. 2,524.  It also said that many Class II officers of the Corporation are not inclined to accept promotion to Class I level, and that some of them are even anxious to be demoted to Class III.

At first I didn't believe all this.  But the other day I happened to see the annual confidential report on a Class II officer of the Corporation, whose case, I understood, was being considered by the Departmental Promotion Committee.  It ran like this:

*

Remarks of the Reporting Officer

1. Technical ability:   Below average.

2. Application:   Poor.

3. Capacity to control subordinate officers:   Poor.

4. Initiative,  resourcefulness:   Very poor.

5. Clarity of thought, powers of expression:   Poor.

6. Tact:   Below average.

7. Aptitude for any special type of work:   None.

8. Physical fitness:   Satisfactory.

9. General assessment:   A very lethargic officer, who totally lacks initiative.

10. Is he/she fit for demotion to Class III in the normal course?   --   No.

11. Is he/she fit for being considered for out-of-turn demotion to Class III ?  --   No.


 Signed  
[Reporting Officer]


*


Remarks of the Counter-signing Officer


I fully agree with the Reporting Officer.  I think this is a fit case for promotion to Class I.


Signed
[Counter-signing Officer]

How The President Of The Philippines Got Rid Of All Government Officials!

One of the exciting aspects of writing this  worldworthy online column is that the readers (so far!) are spread out in 50 different countries, stretching all over the world from Australia and New Zealand in the East to the USA and Canada in the West, and from Sweden and Finland in the North to South Africa and Chile in the South  --  and including even such unlikely lands as China, Croatia, Latvia, Mexico and Morocco!

And when I spot the Philippines on my readers-radar, I naturally can't help recalling a humorous article I had written long ago, in response to President Ferdinand Marcos' attitude towards bureaucrats (a tribe to which I myself belonged).  What happened actually was that in September 1972, when talking to a television audience in the context of the imposition of Martial Law, the President said that he would like to sack all bureaucrats if he could.  Obviously he didn't mean it word for word, and was perhaps only trying to strike a humorous pose in a grim situation where he would be shuffling a lot of civilian and military personnel to ensure compatibility with the new regime.  But his statement was reported widely in the whole world, and it provided excellent grist to my Shankar's Weekly mill!

..................................................

Glossary

(in same order as in text)

FMG  --  One of three vital imaginary characters I've mentioned earlier in this blog: please see: Filemaster-General And Ali Babu Go Away On Furlough! , Rulemaster-General Vs. Bulky Rules Commission , and The Taskmaster-General Tackles A Tricky Task.

PUC --  In the notes written in Govt. of India files (still being done substantially in English), an inward communication causing the context or issue being discussed is called Paper Under Consideration, or just PUC.   

 

DFMG, AFMG, HQF  --  Deputy FMG.  Assistant FMG,  Headquarters Filemaster.

Admn.  --  Administration.

Flag A  --  Thin slips of paper stencilled to the top of various papers referred to in the notes are called 'flags', marked A to Z. 

 

...........................................

 

Shankar's Weekly

8 October 1972

Exit filemasters!

I HAVE no idea how the bureaucracy has been functioning in the Philippines, but I guess the office procedures there must have been more or less the same as in any other country.  If this presumption is correct, I expect that the following correspondence and notes would have materialized in the Government files before President Marcos told the TV audience about his decision to sack all bureaucrats.

 

*****

 

1

 

 

THE PRESIDENT'S SECRETARIAT, MANILA

Top Priority

Sept. 21, 1972

To the Filemaster-General, Manila

Sir,

Subject :  Filemasters, resignation of.

The President is pleased to order that all Filemasters and their staff  (including the FMG and his staff) should submit their resignations immediately.  I am directed to request you to issue necessary instructions to all concerned in the matter, under intimation to this office.

This may kindly be treated as urgent.

Yours faithfully,

Signed  21-9-72

Private Secretary to the President.

 

*****

 

2

 

PENCIL ENDORSEMENTS ON MARGIN OF PUC

 

DFMG may please see for immediate action.

Initialled   23/9

FMG

 

 

*

 

 

AFMG  --  Let me see disposal by 25/9.

Itd.  24/9

DFMG

*

HQF  --  Notes, pl.

Itd.  25/9

AFMG

*


Admn.  --  Pl. put up at once.

Itd. 25/9

HQ Filemaster

*****

3

 

 

NOTES IN THE OFFICE OF THE FILEMASTER-GENERAL, MANILA

 

 

The PUC may kindly be perused at Flag A.  The President has been pleased to order that all Filemasters and their staff (including the FMG and his staff) should resign immediately.

In compliance with the above orders, I am hereby submitting my resignation, which may kindly be accepted.  HQF may kindly see the PUC for disposal.

Sd.  26/9/72

Dealing Assistant

*


I also beg to resign.  AFMG may kindly see PUC for necessary action.

Sd.  27/9

HQF

*


Same with me.  DFMG may like to see PUC for action, if any.

Sd.  27/9

AFMG

*


I am also resigning herewith.    FMG may kindly see PUC for such action as he deems fit. 

Sd.  28/9

DFMG

*


I am also resigning. The PUC may please be filed, if there is anybody in the office.

Sd.  28/9

FMG

The Price Factor And The Price Factory

Like Punch, the legendary British magazine  (published in London, with a worldwide circulation),  Shankar's Weekly  (published in New Delhi, with an All-India circulation)  was an ideal medium in the second half of the 20th century for taking a light-hearted look at serious issues as well as routine events, providing a nice tonic for one's tired nerves. 

Being an active civil servant at that time, I found that any critical commentary on questions relating to the prevailing economic and commercial scenarios was out of bounds for me as a journalist, since they invariably had a bearing on Government policy and/or performance.  But that didn't prevent me from writing forcefully now and then about such matters in a generic and purely humorous vein in the prestigious magazine Shankar's Weekly, which counted the seniormost Government officers, including my bosses, among its regular and earnest readers.

And today, after such a long time, I am quite thrilled to find that some of those hilarious articles have survived the test of time far better than any serious essays I might have been able to write on crucial economic issues if only I had been perfectly free to do so!  And of course, almost anything I wrote in New Delhi had universal appeal, for I was always addressing an audience which included the entire diplomatic corps and their families.

 

For example, let's take a look at the following lively piece on the constantly escalating cost of living. which rings as true now as it did 40 years ago! 

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Shankar's Weekly

16 June 1974

The Price Factory

I found myself sitting next to this well-dressed stranger in a dinner party.

"My name is Up Chand,"  he said.  "I'm the Managing Director of Prices India (Private) Limited".

Oh, really?  I said, duly impressed:  Well, how's business?

Fine!  Mr. Up Chand said.  In fact, it has never been better!

You have your own factory, don't you?

We have a factory, yes.  And we have depots all over India.

Do you have a wide range of products?

We don't have a range at all!  We specialize in a single commodity  --  HIGH PRICE.  It is fully standardized.  Previously we used to have two grades  --  low and high.  but we stopped producing the low grade.

I haven't seen any retail showroom of yours.  How do you sell your products?

Oh, we don't do any retail business at all!  All our supplies are made to industries and dealers.

Do you get your raw materials from indigenous sources, or do you import them?

Well, all our basic inputs, including technical know-how, are available in plenty in India.  We don't import any raw materials.

Tell me, Mr. Up Chand, do you export your products?

Not much, I'm afraid!  The domestic demand for high prices is very substantial, and we don't produce enough to satisfy it.  In fact, our country is a net importer of prices.

What's your annual production like?

Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you that!  But I can tell you we are practically doubling our output every five years now.

Are you utilizing your installed capacity fully?

Well yes, because at any given time our utilization of the installed capacity is 100 per cent. But our rate of growth is terrific, you know, and we are practically doubling the installed capacity every five years! 

You don't have any trouble with staff or labor?

None at all!  We pay them handsomely.  In fact, we practically double their wages every five years.  You see, their pay packet is one of our basic inputs, so when we pay them more our inputs are increased, and our production goes up!

How interesting!  Would you mind passing me the salt please, Mr. Up Chand?  Thank you!

Kicked Upstairs : Field Marshal Manekshaw, Field Captain Batterji

Among the good things independent India inherited from its former imperial rulers was a well-organized Government set-up, both civil and military.   It wasn't normally possible to view the Army's affairs in a humorous light;  but once in a while such situations did arise, as when General Sam Manekshaw retired on promotion, which was fine grist to my Shankar's Weekly mill!

 

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Glossary  (in same order as in text)

Field Marshal  --  The Indian Army retained (and still retains) the British designations for officers, from Lieutenant to General, though it adopted native terms for the lower ranks.  Field Marshal is an honorary title conferred only on two distinguished war veterans so far, Generals Sam Manekshaw and K.M. Cariappa.

Mantri  --   Minister, in Hindi  --  not a term typically used as a person's name.

File Bhavan  --  'Bhavan' is a Hindi expression which broadly denotes 'institution'.  Very near the massive and monumental twin Secretariat Buildings in New Delhi, where the Ministries are located, there are a number of relatively small but quite spacious buildings housing the various Departmental Headquarters  and bearing native names like Krishi Bhavan (Agriculture, 'krishi' meaning crops),  Udyog Bhavan (Industry and Commerce),  etc.  For no reason known to me, there's also the hybrid Rail Bhavan, which makes my File Bhavan sound very real!

Chief Minister  --  Corresponding to the Prime Minister at the Centre are the Chief Ministers in the various States in India's federal system.

Gazette notifications --  Senior officers' postings, transfers, etc. are notified in the Gov. of India's official Gazette.

Burochari --  An imaginary name, resembling actual South Indian names like Rangachari, Gopalachari, etc.  

Under-Secretary  --  The designations of 'gazetted officers' in the Government of India Secretariat are as follows:  Secretary  -  Additional Secretary  --  Joint Secretary  --  Deputy Secretary  --  Under-Secretary.  (Section Officer is a non-gazetted rank).

21-4-73  --  In India, dates in short form are usually expressed as Day-Month-Year.

Batterji  --  Obviously improvised from 'batsman', but with an amusing connection with three popular names in West Bengal State  --  Chatterji, Bannerji  and Mukherji --  which were invented by the British bosses, who couldn't properly pronounce the authentic Bengali names Chattopadhyaya, Bandhopadyaya and Mukhopadhyaya. Somehow they hadn't meddled with Battacharya, so I just made good the omission with Batterji!

Wedding invitation  --  Its relevance in this context is the prestige and status symbolism attached to the designation of the bride's father --  Under-Secretary, being a 'gazetted officer', distinctly ranks above Section Officer, a non-gazetted post;  and it sounds much better alongside the designation of the bridegroom's father!

Srimathi/Sri  --  Sanskrit for 'Mrs./Mr.'  --  adopted in most Indian languages, of which there are many.

IAS  --  Indian Administrative Service, conceived broadly conceived on same lines as the British Civil Service. 

Kalyana Mandapam  -- Tamil for 'marriage palace'. 

Muhurtham  --  Auspicious morning time for Hindu wedding ceremony.

Svaraswami  --  Imaginary name for a Carnatic musician ('swara' meaning musical note), resembling Sivaswami, a real Tamil name.  Traditionally in South Indian middle-class weddings, it used to be fashionable to have a reception in the evening, with dinner clashing with a classical music concert.  The idea is still in vogue to some extent, but the concert concept is fading out gradually. 

 

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Shankar's Weekly 21 Jan/ 1973
Upstairs And Out!


I HAVE seen phrase books in several European languages , but none of them ever indicated the equivalent of the English expression "being kicked upstairs."  This typical British practice is perhaps not much favoured on the Continent!

We in India, of course, are not averse to adopting time-honored British conventions.  The latest instance is the 'promotion' of General Sam Manekshaw to the rank of Field Marshal, which he will hold for life.

In the British Army, it is reported, a General who is promoted to the rank of Field Marshal in peace time normally lays down his office soon afterwards.   In keeping with this tradition, Field Marshal Manekshaw relinquished his appointment as Chief of the Army Staff on January 15, and was succeeded by General Bewoor.

It is commendable that an outgoing soldier or official should be honored with a higher rank than the one he enjoyed while in service.  Particularly in our political, economic and social milieus in India, this would mean so much to the persons concerned.  I therefore recommend that this excellent practice may be followed in all cases, and not merely in the case of retiring Generals.  If the authorities accept this suggestion, we can look forward to communications like the following:-

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1

New Delhi, Jan. 20

Mr. C.K. Mantri, Union Deputy Minister, has been promoted as Honorary Minister, which rank he will hold for life.

In accordance with prevailing traditions, Mr. Mantri is expected to relinquish office shortly.  It is understood that the name of his successor will be announced in a few days.

Newsmen who called on the Deputy Minister at File Bhavan this afternoon found him in a jubilant mood.  Mr. Mantri said that as soon as he is relieved of his present duties he would go back to his State and become Chief Minister there, which would be easier now in view of his new rank at the Centre.


*

2


MINISTRY OF FINANCE (Department of Expenditure)
Gazette Notifications

New Delhi
May 14, 1973

No. 76893  --  Shri R.S. Burochari, Section Officer, Ministry of Finance, assumed charge as Under-Secretary with effect from 21-4-73 forenoon, on promotion.

 

No. 76894  --  Shri R.S. Burochari, Unde-Secretary, Ministry of Finance, retired from service with effect from 22-4-73 forenoon, on attaining the age of superannuation.

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3

Bombay, June 23


Following India's spectacular victory  over the visiting Australian cricket team, the Board of Control for Cricket has decided to promote the Indian skipper, Anil Batterji, as Field Captain.

Batterji will retain this title for life.  He will not, however, be eligible to participate in future Test matches.

The selectors are meeting here shortly to select a new Test Captain.  The most likely choice is Pitchpal Singh, the brilliant all-rounder from Haryana.

Talking to newsmen here today, Anil Batterji said that this honor meant a great deal to him, as it will enabe him to retain his present job in a reputable Bombay firm.

*

4

                                    

                                            Wedding  Invitation

                                 Srimathi & Sri  R.S. Burochari
                                   (Retired Under Secretary,
                              Ministry of Finance, Govt. of India)

                                   request the pleasure of your
                               company with family and friends
                                       on the occasion of the
                                    marriage of their daughter    

                                             
                                                   HEMA
                                                     with
                                       K. RANGARAJAN, IAS
                                       (Collector, Thako Chak)

                                                     son of
                                   Srimathi & Sri R.K. Iyengar
                                  Retired Accountant-General
                                                     at the
                            Balaji Kalyana Mandapam, Madras         
                                      on Friday, July 27, 1973
                              Muhurtham: 8 a.m. to 9-30 a.m.
                                Reception/Dinner:  6-30 p.m.
                           (Music by Sri Swaraswami & Party)

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PostScript, 2013

Prophetic phenomenon!

I think I must have possessed some mysterious and divine power of clairvoyance in early 1973,  A few days ago I had explained how close I had got to inventing the name of Gorbachov in a Shankar's Weekly article in April 1973  (The Eras Of Comrade Babov And Comrade Gabov, 17 March 2013).  And here's an article I had written just three months earlier, in Jan. 1973, in which I mentioned an imaginary character called Pitchpal Singh (suggesting a cricket pitch and sounding so much like the real-life name Pritpal Singh), who soon turned out to be an amazingly prophetic phenomenon! 

For the legendary batsman/fast-bowler Kapil Dev  (who made his debut at the national level playing for Haryana State in 1975 and quickly emerged in the international scene as one of the most successful Captains in Test cricket, winning the World Cup in 1983) was nothing but 'the brilliant all-rounder from Haryana' in real life!  Surely, another instance of my gazing into an amazing crystal ball!

The Eras Of Comrade Babov And Comrade Gabov

I have such a large collection of what I think are my best pieces of writing that I find it extremely difficult to short-list them.  But I have no hesitation at all in saying that no matter how short that list gets to be, it must include the following article I wrote 40 years ago:    

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Glossary

(In same order as in text) 

 

Churchgate Terminal  --  Long before the middle of the 20th century, Bombay already had a couple of excellent, fully electrified broad-gauge suburban railway lines:  one of them starting from a modern terminal building in the city's most fashionable locality called Churchgate, and the other from a magnificent Gothic building called Victoria Terminus, not far away, resembling London's St. Pancras station.  (By the way, I lived and worked in the Churchgate area during 1967-69, and invariably turned up there whenever visiting or passing through Bombay, both before and after that spell).

 Bandra, Andheri, Borivli, Virar, Goregaon  --  Major suburban localities of Greater Bombay, with railway stations bearing the same names.

 Vladiwestok  --  The Churchgate line is operated by the Western Railway, hence 'Vladiwestok'.  Of course, Vladivastok in Russia is at the East-coast end of the Trans-Siberian Railway, 'Vostok' meaning 'East' in Russian. 

 Baikullov  --  Echoing Byculla, another major suburb, with important station on the Central Railway line starting from Victoria Terminus. 

 Skyscrapers project  --  By 1970, Bombay's skyline was getting awfully skewed by concrete jungles of very tall buildings, causing severe civic problems.

 Mahimsk  --  derived from Mahim, another major Bombay suburb, and the famous Russian towns Omsk and Tomsk.

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Shankar's Weekly
15 April 1973
A Tale Of  Two Comrades

 

ENTERING  the Churchgate terminal on my first visit to Bombay, I noticed that above each platform there was a prominent overhead sign which said:  BABOV. 

I asked a friend about it, and he said it stood for Bandra, Andheri, Borivli and Virar.  He was right obviously, for only the concerned letter was illuminated, depending on the destination of the next train.

I was, however, never able to ignore the mysterious overtones of the sign.  Every time I passed through Bombay I thought of Babov, and wondered who he might have been.

 Stepping off a local train at Churchgate several years later, I saw that the BABOV signs had disappeared;  but in their place there were other equally intriguing ones which said:   B.GABOV.

 A railway official at the gate told me that the G stood for Goregaon, but I wasn't convinced.  I was no longer inclined to accept such down-to-earth explanations.  Comrade Boris Gabov, it seemed to me, was too real and forceful a person to be written off the history books by a mere railway official.

 Wasn't he the one, I asked myself, who succeeded the great Babov as the Leader of the Party?  But let me begin from the beginning!

 

*

COMRADE Yuri Bandrovitch Babov was the son of a humble office worker in Vladiwestok.  His father, Ivan Bandrov, lived in a tenement in the outskirts of the city, and he spent four hours every day commuting between his home and his place of work.  Young Yuri grew up without seeing much of his father's face, and he deeply resented the fact. 

 Ivan Bandrov became ill on account of the bad working conditions in his office, and he died two years before the Revolution.  Yuri was 24 years old at the time, and had become a booking clerk in the Vladiwestok railway terminal. 

During the Revolution Yuri Babov joined the Party, and in due course he rose to the highest office.  The provision of proper working and living conditions for the workers and the improvement of public transport facilities were the two main themes of all his campaigns.

As soon as he became the Leader, Comrade Babov initiated a great expansion of the suburban railways, which he completely electrified.  It not only helped the commuters, but brought quick promotions to thousands of railwaymen.  

The Leader discouraged personality cult, and had forbidden the display of his portrait or name in public places.  But he couldn't prevent the proud and gratified staff of the Vladiwestok railway station from displaying huge illuminated signs above the platforms commemorating their great ex-colleague's name.

 

*

MEANWHILE, a former parcel-office clerk of the same station had also emerged  as a powerful national figure.  He was Comrade Boris Goregovitch Gabov, the son of an engine-driver called Gregori Goregov.

Goregov had died a heart-broken man because he didn't have a living wage, and his son was determined to improve the lot of the rail workers.

Boris Gabov was a prominent trade-union leader at the time of the Revolution, and he rose to be the Deputy Leader of the Party.  He not only increased the salaries of the railwaymen, but secured for them as many travel concessions as in any other country.

When Comrade Babov had improved the public transport facilities, he turned his attention to the other main item in his manifesto.  Relying heavily on the advice of People's Architect Bykullov, he launched an ambitious project of building skyscrapers to provide spacious offices and residential apartments for the workers.

For a while it looked as if the project was going to be a great success;  but soon certain unforeseen difficulties cropped up.  The terrific congestion and traffic bottlenecks which arose in the urban centers became unmanageable, in spite of the improved public transport system.

 The upshot of it all was that Comrade Babov confessed failure, and the Central Comiittee relieved him of his high office and posted him as an assistant station master in Mahimsk.  Comrade Gabov emerged as the new Leader.

 The employees of the Vladiwestok railway station removed the BABOV signs, and in their place they put up new ones commemorating their other great ex-colleague's name:  B.GABOV. 

 Even at this distant date, visitors to Vladiwestok can see these relics of history at the terminal.  They are being preserved by the authorities as tourist attractions, although Comrade Gabov too couldn't cope with the skyscraper problem and had followed his predecessor into oblivion.

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PostScript, 2013

Gazing into the crystal ball

 

 Obviously, I couldn't have written the above article in 1973 with such authentic undertones if I didn't have a sensitive insight into the political set-up and national ethos of the Soviet Union.  Just compare my description of the two leaders and their backgrounds with the following paragraph from Wikipedia, the Cyberian phenomenon which materialized three decades later:

 

"Gorbachev was born [1931] in Stavropol Krai into a peasant Ukrainian-Russian family, and in his teens operated combine harvesters on collective farms. He graduated from Moscow State University in 1955 with a degree in law. While he was at the university, he joined the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, and soon became very active within it.... He was appointed ....  First Secretary to the Supreme Soviet in 1974,.... a Member of the Politburo in 1979.......[and] was elected General Secretary by the Politburo in 1985."

That's rather interesting, of course;  but what's truly mysterious about this whole context is how close I actually came to inventing the name of Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachov!   And mind you, I am not just talking about Boris Goregovitch Gabov, which sounds pretty close.  If you add Bombay's down-town terminus Churchgate to the list of its major suburban railway stations  --  Bandra, Goregaon, Andheri, Borivli and Virar (which are all real names, and not imaginary ones)  --  and shuffle them around a little, what do you have?   Yes, Gorbachbov!  Which isn't a far cry from Gorbachov, is it?

 Do you need any more convincing evidence that I was really gazing into a crystal ball when I wrote this amazing story?